a new year is near.....

and thank god for that! we are ready to move on out of 2009, and hopefully 2010 will be nice and mellow - meaning no high highs or low lows. james says one of his resolutions is going to be learning how to forgive more easily. one of mine is going to be learning how to feel thankful more easily.

i may or may not have mentioned this before, but i don't like clutter. james and i particularly favor the stark, danish modern asthetic of minimalism/bohemian, ethnic accents - but you would not know that by visiting our house. part of it is that we don't have a house, we have an apartment, and it's hard to hide things well in a smaller space. another part is that hazel has stuff she likes to use (duh) and toddlers notoriously leave their stuff all over. i am trying to remedy this in a couple of ways for the new year. one way is by getting rid of a ton of stuff that is completely unnecessary (we don't have a baby, why do we need a box full of pacifiers hazel didn't even use? seriously, if/when the time comes, i can get more then). another way is this:

i, somewhat lamely, realized that we have 2 linen closets in this apartment - one of which is at the end of our hall. so, in my new years resolution attempt to keep my home clutter (and toddler strewn toy) free, i have made this closet the toy closet. hazel's rule has, for the most part, been play with a toy, when you're done, put it away, play with another toy. but recently, her toys have gotten messier (it was a duplo christmas if you know what i mean) and 1 toy doesn't seem to equal 1 doll - it's 1 whole 15 piece doctor's kit, or 1 whole box of crayons and a coloring book. and, as many of you understand, toddlers attention spans typically are shorter than a fly's memory and soon you are tripping over duplos, crayons, and stethescopes all on the same floor. sigh.

so, here is my attempt at restoring order. there is a strategically placed toddler doorknob lock (which thankfully hazel still hasn't mastered the art of geting past yet!) on this toy closet door. if she wants a new toy to play with, she has to pick up the previous toy - and she can't get a new one until i open the door to get it for her. yes, i understand this might relate into me getting off my butt every 4 1/2 minutes to get a new toy out, but it also might foster an enjoyment in playing with something for hazel that many kids surrounded by multiple toys all the time can't create. have you ever seen kids in nurserys with toddler ADD running from toy to toy so scared they might not be able to play with them all if they don't play with them all at the same time? hopefully this will result is real imagination time with dolls or blocks, or complete pictures drawn with crayons.......

so, think it'll work? i hope so. next pre-new-years-step is to seriously kick the study/office's butt into submission so both james and i feel comfortable getting our stuff done in there. that room is a manly mess. here i go!

what does the word done mean anyway?

sunday the 13th is the day we went to the hospital to deliver ian, and it was the day he was delivered. monday the 14th was the day we thought i delivered the placenta, but opps - my body wasn't done. it waited for 3 days of recovery until it choose to let us know it was even still there, and not going to miraculously reenter my system and disappear. thanks! so, thursday night i barely slept due to discomfort, and friday the 18th, i had a d&c to remove it (evidently my placenta changed its mind midway and tried to hide again, but we knew it was there and couldn't stay hidden forever!). so this post is to ask, what did i mean when i thought i was 'done'? i suppose i meant physically, since i know the emotional part of this is going to be difficult and long lasting. i regularly think about how fast i have recouperated, physically, from any issues i've had, and realize i'm lucky, and many people have just one physical issue that turns into a life long nightmare. the fact that i am feeling relatively fine just 3 days after a surgical procedure is pretty amazing. i guess i just need to tell my mind to stop complaining. i mean, is there anything else that could happen as a result of the events of last week? i dunno, but i'm not going to say i'm done........

whadda ya think?

when noah died, james went out and bought me my first piece of tiffany jewelry. this locket. we put noah's footprints in it. as i was browsing etsy this evening, i ran across this stamped disc, and thought, wouldn't it look nice with ian's name hanging on the same chain as noah's prints? and what about a tiny pearl drop to symbolize the miscarriage i had before ian? hmm..... it seems like i might be in the market for a christmas gift for myself........

Dear Ian Joseph,

your delivery story goes like this. sunday december 13th, your dad and i went into overlake hospital's childbirth center. dr spence gave me a drug specific to this type of delivery that helped my uterus to contract and my cervix to dialate at 9:30 in the morning. i did not feel pain, just discomfort as i began to have uterine cramps. dr spence gave me a gift of a pewter coin with an angel carved into it to hold in my hand for comfort. the nurses we had, heather, and bonnie, were so loving and helpful and, since they did not have to monitor your wellbeing, they let your dad and i relax and watch a bunch of arrested development episodes on the tv. dr spence came around fairly often, and hung out with dad and i - she's really cool, and a good friend to our family, and every 4 hours she she'd give me another dose of the induction medicine. around 6:30pm, i was getting fairly uncomfortable, so i let my nurse heather give me 2 mg of morphine. that stuff is intense, but it helped me relax. i was due to get another dose of induction medicine at 9:30pm, but at 9:15, you spontaneously arrived, when dr spence had gone home and the nurses were not in the room. i called to your dad to get them, and bonnie came and removed you from the room to clean you up. dr spence rushed back, and we tried to deliver the placenta, but my cervix had reclosed itself, so i got another dose of induction medicine, as well as morphine, and waited. in the meantime, bonnie and dr spence cleaned and examined you. your dad was sad, so he left the room so i could see you again (i accidently saw you when you were just delivered). bonnie brought you in to me wrapped up in this blanket.you were so tiny, and i was so sad to see you not breathing that i didn't hold you long - only about 30 seconds. long enough to see your tiny toes, and your tiny fingers. long enough to see your cheeks and eyelids, and little ribcage peeking out from under your skin. you were so tiny. 5 1/2 inches tall, and 1.6 ounces. your cord was wrapped around your neck fairly tight. i think that's what made me uncomfortable, so i said thank you to god for letting me hold you, like i couldn't do with your siblings, said goodbye to you, and handed you back to bonnie.

at 1am, i finished delivering the placenta, and your dad and i slept until 8:30am, with hourly interuptions from bonnie to check my temperature and blood pressure. the hospital gave us a memory box with your blanket in it, as well as a few cards with your prints on them. here are your tiny foot, toe, and hand prints.at 11am, dr spence had us discharged, and your dad and i went to the church to meet pr katy. she had a nice long chat with us, and we held a liturgy thanking god for you, asking god to be with us in our greiving, and to care for you. pr katy annointed my hands that held you, and your dad's hands that will hold you eventually. we cried, and we mourned not being able to watch you grow up. we believe that you are happy, playing with your brother noah, your friend gabriel habostad, and your other sibling. we can't wait to see you again, and hold you close in our hearts until that happens. we love you Ian, SO much.

Love, mom

tomorrow

this is how 'tall' my baby will be when/if i get to see him or her tomorrow. the length of a ballpoint pen. i have not begun processing. it has been a very busy month, and we have had the spend the last few days preparing multiple other things for what is to come. i may or may not blog to process - james has asked that i do, but i don't know yet. but as for this minute, i know that hazel has a great place to stay and enjoy the next day or 2, we have insurance, so we won't have to pay out of pocket hospital expenses, and this is going to happen tomorrow. which begins in a few hours. which is probally why i'm starting to get anxious, not knowing what is really going to happen. i don't know if i will have to dialate completely, if the baby will be 'pleasant' to look at, if i will tear, if i will lactate, or if i will suddenly get overwhelmed by it all and either panic and push myself too hard, or completely give up trying. i don't know if i will be able to allow myself to feel anything, or if i will put on a face for the nurses. like i said, i have not been processing, i have been avoiding, and i think i like it here.....

however, we have chosen names. and if appropriate, we will take pictures. we weren't allowed to see noah, and i still really struggle with his death because i didn't feel closure. i would not say i was a visual person, in that i need to see something to believe it, but my miscarriage this summer was a really healthy and healing experience of grief and closure. i actually hope that by delivering this child, we will have a better chance at that type of closure. it would be wonderful to have closure as beautiful as this:

i mean, we could - the size of a sweet potato, the crown to rump length of a ballpoint pen.....

max and ruby

hazel's new thing, well not new - it's been going on for the last month or so, is watching max and ruby. it's a relatively cute show, even though the more i watch it the more i dislike ruby, i think she bully's little brother max, but on today's episode, i caught something that really bugged me. bear with me....

ruby is collecting autumn leaves as they fall. she has a book with specific leaf outlines that she is supposed to match up with the leaves she finds. fair enough. BUT...

when she first opens the book, the leaf outlines are on the left pages,

when she opens the book the next time to insert a new leaf,

the outlines are on the right page, and again, later,

the outlines move back to the left page!

okay, so i know it's a kids show, but don't the editors get paid? don't they think that parents will ever watch and become irritated with the inconsistancy of page use? seriously?

and yes, i am hormonal so this really doesn't matter, but it bugs me enough to erase the episode from our dvr...... sheesh!

the liz quiz

what project is liz a quarter of the way through with,
that she's started 4 times in the last 4 years,
and completed only once?


guesses accepted for the next 24 hours - then answer will be posted. good luck guessing!!

answer: growing a baby. yup - preggo (again).

Settling In

hey all - no falling off the surface of the earth here, just close ;)

we are finished moving. actually, i was pretty ocd about unpacking and getting settled, so it was under a week when we were "settled" into the new place, but now we have internet, cable, and james is done commuting for his last few days of work, and we are a cheerful stay-at-home-family!

i started my masters classes at Seattle University last week. it's going to be difficult, but well worth it. i got an email from my synodical candidacy committee this afternoon saying to expect a call for appointments in the next week or so, so that's good. sunday school is 2 weeks in, and going well - we have a full curriculum this year, so the planning takes less each week, and we are both joyful for that! and the parenting course i am co-leading at our church began this evening and went quite nicely if i do say so myself (and i do!).

james starts school wednesday, and we have our whole week's scheduled out for family/study/excersize/alone/household chores times. we are really going to try terribly hard to stick to it, because our whole system of both doing school at the same time is precariously resting on the tip of that schedule. we appreciate prayers in our favor ;)

hazel is busting out new sentences and thoughts daily, and cracks us up literally thousands of times a day. she insists that all of her dolls and stuffies need diaper changes about 6x each daily, so we are learning about pretending (because, really, who can afford wipes for 30 toys?!)

hope this catches you all up! more later!

"fings and sides"

as hazel says, or in english swings and slides :) so far today, we have had a girls day. i was getting stir crazy after all the packing i've been doing, so we first went to small threads for kids, our local consignment store we love. hazel wanted to play at the train table, so while she did that i browsed the fall clothing options. hazel doesn't need much, but she's so tall - and growing taller by the minute - i started looking in the 3T section. when i found a cute pair of pants, they seemed short, so i held them up to hazel, and yup - they certianly were, as were all the rest of the 3T options! I ended up buying her 4T size leggings! she's 2 years old people! aye-yi-yi!

then, after hazel was finished taking her baby doll and testing out all the excersaucers and baby swings, we went to the park. at the park we went to, there are 2 swings, and when we arrived, there were 2 moms pushing their 2 toddlers in the 2 swings. alright, fair enough. but hazel really loves a swing, so she went up to the moms and very politely said, "my fing, please." the mom's didn't even acknowledge her, so i said to her, "these kids are taking their turns on the swings, when their turn is over, it will be your turn and you can go on the swings." she said okay, and we went to play on the slides.

10, 15, and 20 minutes later, hazel went over to the swings again, and each time politely asked, "my fing, please?" and the mom's still ignored her (while in the meantime their kids riding in the swings looked comatose). so each time i said (louder and louder so the mom's were certian to hear), "it's not your turn yet honey, when their mom's decide their turn is up, you will get to swing."

15 minutes later (this means, total we had been waiting for a turn for 35 minutes!) the mom's packed up to leave the park, and hazel got her turn. but no sooner had she been swinging 3 minutes, did a family with 2 boys come and want to swing. so when the older boy asked hazel for a turn, we did the polite thing, took 10 more counted pushes, and our turn was up. sigh. hazel was a good sport though, she was so polite and friendly during the whole park experience.

so we left the park, got sandwiches and soup for lunch and picnic-ed in the backyard before naptime. after she wakes up, i think we might go for a dip in the pool..... for the most part, really fun morning :)

moving!

We are moving! Yup - to Bothell, and we are so excited!! We will be within 10 miles of so many people, places, and things that we travel the distance to now. We will be closer to James' school, church, friends, babysitters (!), and family.
There is much more! First, the apartment we are moving to has 3 bedrooms - which means we will have a study/guest room again - thank you jesus! And I can craft in there and maybe even leave my sewing machine out for longer than naptime. Next, James has started his own business, allied complete home and building repair through which he can work his multi-faceted magic and help pay our bills. He also got a massive scholarship to go to school full time, so his focus will be shifting back for a while (which will be good - he deserves a physical break). Also, I have applied for a Masters program. When the pieces all fall together I'll write more about it, but I'm VERY excited for it (and I may even start this fall - meaning next month!). Sigh. busy times, good times, healthy times, I can't wait!

I miscarried today. yup. it sucks.
the most difficult part of it to process is that both james and i seemed to know we wouldn't be meeting this baby, kinda from the beginning. and, even though i had been spotting on and off for the last 2 weeks, there had been no signs of it becoming this bad. yet, all day today, i had a feeling i would miscarry today. no extra spotting - in fact, no spotting at all for 2 1/2 days. i just woke up and thought, if it's going to happen, it will happen today - and it did. at 515pm. i saw it, james saw it, we are 100% sure. sheesh.
we are thinking we might bury it after hazel is asleep this evening. we may or may not start trying for another baby sooner than later. it takes a while to process, and every month i'm not pregnant, i start thinking what's wrong with me that this doesn't happen, and when i am pregnant, i am fearful of this.
i have been pregnant 3 times and have one child to show for it.
sheesh.

Life Just Got a Bit More Complicated....

.... we're having another baby join the colver clan sometime around the end of march 2010 <3

it's good, we're excited. this baby was mostly planned {meaning, we wanted to get pregnant, and weren't doing anything to avoid getting pregnant, but also knowing it would take a leap of faith and a lot of reworking out living space we weren't sure we were ready for}. there are some really great things happening for us now, too. not the least of which is that, since the state considers us low income, we get out WIC checks doubled, and all my prenatal health care is provided free of charge with my same doctor {whom i adore}. a little close to miraculous :)

so, even though it's SO early {i'm approx. 5 weeks along as i type this}, i have completed my research and declared the minimum/maximum necessities for the new little one and the family to be comfortable and ready. here they are in no particular order:

stokke trip trap high chair. we have one of these for hazel already, and it grows with the child from infant to adult while always being able to comfortable sit at the table with the whole family {no tray inbetween family and child}. yes, it does mean more mess on the floor, but the chair is wooden with no fabric, so we often take it outside to hose off, wipe it down with clorox wipes, or plop it in the shower to clean - in our opinion, much easier than washing fabric seating pads that look gnarly after 4 washes!

this it the joovy tandem stroller that is great for parents with infants and an older toddler. the front seat holds more than 5 different brands of infant carseats for early infancy, and the back has both a seat with a harness, and a standing platform with comfortable handles for your older toddler to use when they're tired of walking {or get put in a time-out for running away from you!}. it's ultra light, shorter than the average double stroller, under $200, and folds down almost as compactly as an umbrella stroller.

when hazel was almost through using bottles, the BPA studies came out, and the only gladd bottles you could find anywhere were the born free ones that were $17 PER BOTTLE! excuse me? way to make healthy living accessible, right? but now, there are numerous brands offering glass options, and these are the munchkin ones - that come with these adorable silicone sleeves to keep them from breaking when dropped from a stroller {or tired mommies fingers in the middle of the night}. did i mention we bouthe 3 born free bottles for hazel and she let one slip from her stroller at a coffee shop {full of fresh steamed milk} and it shattered, covering the floor with tiny, lethal shards of glass and a full 10 ounces of warm, sticky milk. these munchkin glass bottles will save mommies the embarassment of asking for a mop while their kid is screaming for more milk and every other hip seattle coffee shop customer looks on like you're a psycho mom who doesn't know how to control her kid!

g diapers are awesome. especially because you can use their disposable inserts OR cloth diapers. the inserts are a small fortune, but the covers are super nice - breathable, good coverage, fairly leak proof, and did i mention adorable? we weren't able to use cloth diapers for hazel since she would get a nasty fire engine red rash within minutes of wearing one. hopefully new baby will tolerate enviromentally friendly options a little better then big sister :)

and, of course, we will need another bed. the crib hazel used is convertible, and she's using it as a toddler bed right now. so we will get her a seperate toddler bed and use the crib for the baby. the kiddos will be sharing a room, so space wise, this is the best option, until the baby is ready to start using a bed {hazel will probally be around age 5, baby around 2ish}, and we'll do twin bunk beds with hazel on top of course :)

other then those things, we will need a few clothes, hand-me-downs from friends, consignment shops, etc. it's nice to be able to do this and not lose a fortune. wish us luck!

total rant {ignore if you love your siblings}

my sister is 3 years younger than i am, and she's bipolar. i understand very well that this is a chemical imbalance and she needs meds to keep her balanced and healthy, and the typical case {which also happens to be hers} is when the patient feels good, they no longer feel the need for meds, so they stop taking them, and the imbalance takes over - often causing them to lose their job, not be able to get a new job, they struggle with money {overspend what they don't have and not understand that there isn't any left to spend anyhow} and generally are so damn rude they alienate themselves from anyone or anything that loves them and are all alone and depressed in a vicious unemployeed fund-less cycle that leaves everyone in shambles until somehow - without job or money or insurance, the patient can get back on their meds and start the healthy cycle again.

like i said, my sister is 3 years younger than me, and she is just my sister - i am not her parent, so there is not a whole lot i can do. she was also a middle child, and we weren't too close growing up - though i did regularly defend her bad judgments and blame others for her "responsive" behaviors, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt i probably shouldn't have - so now that she's at the end of a mean, nasty cycle, i should be happy things will start to look up, right?

but this one was so bad! she spent the last 2 years stealing from and getting fired from 3 jobs {good jobs}, living with a guy who no one knew and not letting anyone get to know him so that she could continuously say the family didn't like him and oh, aren't we the judgers? she may even have married him, though no one really knows because, did i mention before that my sister is a total compulsive lier!? {most recently, she is moaning all over facebook that she got such a bad sunburn because she didn't put on sunscreen she was allergic to - how interesting that she never was allergic to a damn thing before, but now she can pump her skin chokfull of tatoo ink, her face covered in non-natural make-up, and her strawberry red hair has been 14 different chemically induced colors in the last 5 months, not to mention coated with product 1000x worse for your body than anything in good old spf 50 on a daily basis, but who am i to judge? maybe she's suddenly become allergic to sunscreen this week....}

in this apartment she lived in with her "husband" who at the very least emotionally abused her {oh, and on at least one occasion threw rocks at her new, not fully paid for car when he was ass drunk}, she let who even knows how many other people live in non-leased, and ruined the carpet, didn't get any deposit money help, barely ever got rent from, didn't help with move out cleaning, and whatever else. all the while, who footed the bill, not my sister that's for damn sure.

now, as recently as this month, her lease ended and she moved back in with my 20 yo brother and my parents. she has started a new job which is good, right? but she seems to think that it's okay to treat our parents like landlords or packmules or bed and breakfast staffers without PAYING A GODDAMNED DIME FOR ANY OF IT! everyone in that house has to tiptoe around her for fear of "waking the bipolar beast" she is, and just take it from her. let me tell you a little about today....

today was a holiday. the whole family was off of work, and my brother asked my husband to go car shopping with him, so my daughter and i went with him to my parents house and we stayed the day visiting and being friendly with grandma and grandpa and maybe auntie, too {note: auntie is consistant at complaining that we never tell her when we are going to visit so that she never gets time to bond with her niece, and isn't it so sad when said niece runs and hugs uncle around the knees, but doesn't know what to do when auntie comes in the room? totally said niece's mom's fault, right? take it for the team mom...}. where is auntie. in her den. on facebook. writing and posting all kinds of nasty crap about how this house is killing her, and she needs to get out of it, and people here are so anti-her. does she climb out of her den at all? um, for a total of 15 minutes to eat a little food alone in the kitchen when we were there 8 hours.

i'm so seriously over this. i know i might regret this later, but i just want to be done with her. she hurts me everytime i try to be open. i really am one of the least judgy people {though this ran't doesn't proove that at all} and i want to be a support to her, but not a crutch. she abuses everything that is positive in her path and i am over it. i am so sad for my parents, that they have to take this from her. they're in a position they can't maneuver out of because of loving concern for their child, but man, i do not envy them one bit.

Random Assortment.....

Hi there, it's been a crazy couple of weeks - with a few more coming. Origionally, I thought that I would be so thrilled when May was over, thinking that June would be a much more mellow start to a lazy summer. Inaccurate to say the least. A month has never been so full!

Tomorrow, we have 3 {yes, that's correct three!} birthday parties to go to. And to make matters slightly more difficult, James has a massive sidejob to do and H and I will be partying alone. yikes!

However, these pictures share with you all the silver lining that comes with those parties tomorrow.

I love - repeat, LOVE wrapping presents. There is something quite theraputic to me, when the finding, choosing, and purchasing of a gift for someone can be stressful, wrapping it ever so specifically for the special someone is relaxing for me. Thank Jesus for this opportunity to relax during the month of June!

And, the first party is a princess dress up party, and H is completely excited. She picked out this dress at Target especially for the party { way to go H - it was mom's personal favorite, and the least expensive!}

Next week, we are going to visit family in CA {I know, in june - are we crazy?!} for 5 days, then it will be on to the finishing touches for H's 2nd birthday. Wow....

More coming, hopefully sooner than later!

The Coolest Cheap Home Improvement Project EVER

So this lady drew her own wallpaper. I cann't believe how cool this is (and that I've never thought of it myself!) It's so fantastic, I'm lurking all around my condo trying to find a place I could give it a try. Needless to say, I WILL be trying this in whatever house we eventually move into. See her amazing pics here.

Chocolate

I've determined that my problem is not sugar in itself - it's chocolate. I, quite simply, cannot function without it.
I have tried staying home for entire days with my child, and if the chocolate bus starts buzzing - satisfying it with greek yogurt and honey, or a popsicle, or whatever else kind of sweet is in the house. But by the end of the day, I'm like a crack addict without her crack and I'm spending the whole late afternoon/evening trying to come up with an excuse to go to the store and get some.
Many days, that there is no chocolate to eat is a good enough excuse.
So, here's what I'm thinking. Keep chocolate in the house. Sounds easy and terrifying, right? What if I do it this way....
I jones for my fix especially during H's naptime and in the evening after she's asleep. So, what if I allow myself a bit (no really, a bit - I can't honestly allow myself a whole # each time, can I?!) at both of those times. I can buy a bar (or whatever) a day, and split it between those two times with a gigantic glass of water. What do you all think? Can I make it work, appreciate the tiny indulgence to prevent the monster addictive binges? Thoughts?

new blog

I spent the whole day today putting together a new blog for a project I do for my church. If you're curious, you are more than welcome to check it out at:

faithfulthoughtsforparentsoftots.blogspot.com

thanks ;)

So Proud!

I just made this crayon roll for H! I'm not a seamstress {yet!} but thanks to soulemama and her book The_Creative_Family I was able to trust myself in making this simple yet fabulous piece!

what a day

Well, since I've been up since 5:55 this morning, still haven't had any coffee, my toddler keeps yelling nonsense at me while banging on the piano, and it's pouring outside, I thought I'd share my 2 new favorite items with you. I've only seen these pictures, not the fabulous items in person, but they calm me regardless. The top is a pillow from anthropologie and the next is a quilt some wonderful person made. Don't they make you want to snuggle up with them and ignore anything other then their georgousness?

me, too.

it's like New Post night!

This evening I've been reading a bunch of back-blogs by this woman Anna_Marie_Horner. She sounds so cool! She's a mother of 5 (with #6 due this week) and she is an awesome fabric designer { see her cool stuff here}. Anyway, going through her last 3 months of posts, I was inspired to pull out my fabric bag and do this:So it's not magic or anything, just reminding my boring living room that I love patterns and color. I've been playing around with the idea of making new covers for some of the throw pillows (I know it's easy to buy new pillows, but I just need to honor James' hard work by sticking to a budget - plus, it's dentist time for me again, and I'll need the $). So anyhow, here's one way to visually remind myself who I am, and what I appreciate :)

These are wee wonderful dolls, a downloadable PDF pattern you can purchase for $15 here . They are so freaking adorable, and I really really want to get the patterns and make some for H. The file includes patterns for 3 different dolls, 4 outfits for them, and a pair of shoes. You can make them however you want - with the same eye and hair color of their little owners, with adorable dresses you'd wear yourself (if you had a 6" waist). I think they're great. You can see different ones people have made here.

Reusing What We Have Already

With James being the manager of our condo complex, he is often putting up postings in entryways for the other residents to read. When we asked the board if we could take the old updates and print the new updates on the backside, they decided they'd rather have new crisp sheets of paper each time. Well, I guess that's for a professional aesthetic, so instead we buy the 80-100% recycled printer paper when we can.
But, yesterday, when H and I were taking down old updates I thought, this is still a lot of paper (27 entryways with 3 sheets of paper each!) - waht can I do with this? So, I created these " coloring books" for H! They're not the cutest but they will get better since this was the first attempt. I either folded the paper so the printed on side was hidden, or taped 2 pages printed side together. Then, I stapled them into books and "bound" them with electrical tape (it was what I had on hand).
H is only 22 months, so they'll get scribbled on, torn, and virtually end up in the recycle bin, but at least I don't have to buy coloring pages for a while!

See, she's already enjoying them!

Poor Hazel

Tonight, James put her to bed, and she was not into it. 20 minutes later she was still screaming, so I went in to see if she was alright. She had somehow managed to turn out her nightlight, so it was completely dark in there! Then by the time I got the light back in place, I sat down next to her and (perfect timing) she started vomitting :( Poor thing had cried herself sick! Luckily, I caught what was about to happen, and I caught and contained all the mess. So after a quick and quiet jammie change, we snuggled and read a few books to calm her back down.

Now, I'm in the living room, listening to her cry mommy, mommy... it's so hard! But the cries are getting more mellow and the moans are getting groggy, so hopefully she's nearing the end.

Watching your little one grow up on you is as equally moving as it is heart wrenching. I want her to need me, and so it's so easy to declare, 'her cries are because she needs her mommy!' but really, she's old enough now that she can attempt mini-manipulation {since mommy came last time I cried myself sick, let's see if she'll come back}. I have to allow her to grow up and teach herself to fall asleep without my presence. I'd say in general I've been pretty okay with her growing older - it sure is great she can use so many words to talk to me now, and she understands consequences, can help me with little chores, plays hilarious games with me, and just this week, she started asking me to play guitar for her while she sings and plays at the piano - it fills me up overflowing!
But I also long for the days when I could snuggle with her for hours - when she was little and completely content with me meeting her every need. Now she says, 'mommy, no hand' when I want to hold her hand walking through the park. Or, 'no buckle' when she wants to snap herself into her highchair/stroller/carseat (which I check, of course!).
Ahh.... she's quiet now. Thank you God for the gifts of life and love (and peaceful evenings!).

Toddler Bed Night #2

WOAH!!

H cried 5 minutes and crawled her rump back into bed, snuggled into her pillow, and fell asleep!

What a big girl!!

I think I might cry.....

Toddler Bed

Today, after a couple of conversations with different friends, we decided to convert H's crib into a toddler bed. Boo-hoo! But, as you can see, she already loves it - she's been snuggling in it all afternoon and LOVES that she can get in and out all by herself!

Our plan is to put the baby gate that used to keep H out of our room so that Cats could have a toddler-free space, in front of her door so she can't come out. I'll let you all know how it works out!

I {heart} Consignment!

Today, H and I met a friend and her daughter in Issaquah for a fun filled errand running playdate. We met at the local SAHM Headquarters (aka Starbucks) and wandered over to the neighboring kids consignment shop - Me n' Moms. First important thing: Me n'Moms has a new owner - and so far she's fabulous! She has begun rearranging the shop, and the first thing she's done is get same sized long racks for the clothes, and organize them into a girls section and boys section and in order of size. Thank God! Now, when you browse, you can see over the tops of all the racks to find your running kiddo (or under the racks - there are now no toys stored beneath the clothes, so you can see your pint-sized shopping partner that way, too!). As I was chatting with the new owner, she said they were going to do more - putting the used toys all together in a section you could see from the whole shop and kids could play in, painting, getting in cool new things (like the whole entire See Kai Run line!) and adding community activities (storytimes, mom's night out with free wine and cheese, and baby wearing classes for a start!). She is renaming the store Small Threads (super cute!) and there will be a website and everything. As you can tell, I am really excited. She seems super cool, and (though I don't yet know her name) I think we might become friends :)

Anyhow - so during our time there, I found some sweet things for H. My friend, Kari, always wonders how I find H's cute stuff (Kari's baby Sonja loves the hand-me-overs!) and this is how - browse until my eyeballs fall out or H throws a tantrum! lol

Here's what we got - totalling under $20!

These are so cute! The top is hand embroidered and has no label. The shorts are OshKosh (and I saw them in the store literally last week full price) and the shoes, and a european brand!

My friend Ruth, who was with me, so knows my style. She saw this skirt and pulled it for me. Trendy red, brown, and turquise - yummy!
This one, too, is handmade by someone's grandma - hilariously adorable, almost inappropriately old print, but I thought I might die if I didn't get it for her!
We also picked up some Old Navy flower embroidered jeans in 3T size for next year. Yeah! And like I said earlier, all 6 items totalled under $20! Go Small Threads Consignment!

job continued.....

last night, before i went to sleep, i talked with a friend about this potential job. he said i shouldn't make a decision until i had slept on it - see what i would dream about and if it kept me up thinking. but i pretty much had made up my mind to leave the job be, and not go for it, so i didn't sit up all night, and i slept dreamlessly well.

today, however, i spoke about the job at length with multiple people, and my mind went yes and no and yes and no and wait and no and yes and wait. what was that?

and it hit me (thanks to a lunch friend, and an evening friend) - i am forcing what is in front of me and within reach to fit my needs, not offering my call where it might best fit.


my mind is racing about how foolish i have been running around, asking questions, choosing my own destiny, and not stopping to pray about any of it - only going going going..... and this evening james and i sat, talked and prayed it through, and it hit me. this call that i've been trying to push aside the last 2 years, that i've been avoiding by filling the space with desires like more babies, getting james through school unscathed, settling in at a new church, this call that i so desperately long for and loathe is not willing to wait for me to be ready any longer. my call wants to be made clear and known and acknowledged, and i am completely unwilling to let it in.
i know this because i cried.
i cried the tears i have cried in the past when i know god is working in and on me and it hurts because i have built the walls up so firm and tough to keep god out yet it's so easy for god to crumble them down. i cried the ridiculous and gasping wails of a baby w ho doesn't know when she will be fed - she only knows she's hungry and can't control circumstances keeping that food from her. i sobbed knowing that i could no longer keep god carefully and convieniently at arms length in a safely labeled cubby, and that i would have to start caring again.
i loved being able to say no and pick up a book or watch a trashy reality tv show - i loved letting the caring be left to someone else, only talking theology like it was politics, and feeding my mind with theories, leaving my heart to starve. it was/is simple that way. but i cried, because i know it can be no longer.

because i've been keeping myself from acknowledging my call, i still can't yet say what it is in entirety. but it involves a few things for sure:

* a need to participate (actively and in planning/facilitating) in adult education/faith formation in my church instead of children and family programs (which i've never been fond of, and think i just fell into at HSLC because i have a child and family)
* more education. likely a Master of Arts in Transforming Spirituality from Seattle U

i have sharp feelings about these things for many reasons (probably a good factor in why i have been avoiding call), many are reasons i feel i'm not ready, many involve the people that count on me to be in the places i am now, and many are because i don't want to go to Seattle U.


but, tonight, i can't sleep, and i think about my friend saying, if you're up at night thinking of things that are exciting you then they are worth the thoughts. now if only i could recognize what parts are exciting, and what others are just pieces i'm trying to fit where i feel they belong.....

gosh, such a ramble...... hopefully i'll get more clear (in my writing and in my thoughts!) as this journey rolls onward!

job.....

so, a dear friend just suggested i apply for the youth director position at our church.
for those of you who know me, what do you think? the church is a progressive community {the reason we choose to go there} and i'm not exactly {or really at all} a "typical" youth director.... however, my friend had some good reason for me to apply.
i've started this ministry at church called spirited.home that lends itself to multiple situations as a discussion starter. i could do some really cool things with youth - i've always been someone that "youth" are attracted to and willing to talk with. i dunno........ i have to read the job description....... more later!

Housewives.....

has anyone other then me noticed that there are all these shows with "housewives" and none of them are actually housewives?!?!? the most humorous part, in my opinion, is that ABC's "desperate housewives" is the ONLY ONE! {disclaimer: it is also one of my FAVORITE shows so.....} bravo network has a long list of "real housewives" reality shows {which i admit, i also watch almost as religiously} orange county, new york, atlanta, and next new jersey - and i have yet to see an actual housewife! every single one of these ladies has some kind of work - and even those who can work from home (jewelry designer, author, skin care line creator, whatever else) they all have help! people-what does it mean to be a housewife to you? i would never really believe these examples!

before:after

yesterday: sicko kiddo with elmo

today: pushing a colored pencil, mcdonalds toy, and banana rounds all around the house!

wouldn't it be nice if we could be as swiftly rehabilitated?!

sick-o's

last night we had a couple of sick-o's up in here :(

james has had a flubug for a few days {and actually stayed home from class this morning for the first time EVER!} and H has had a crusty/drippy nose for the weekend. last night, H went down for bed fairly normal around 745ish, but then just before james and i were to hit the sack she started scream-crying. now, normally, if she wakes up and crys or moans, we leave her be and she puts herself back to sleep within a couple of minutes.... like i mentioned before, last night they were scream-cries. so, like any good parent who thinks their child is dying or close to fatally injured when they hear that noise, we went in.

she was REALLY upset, and crying like i've never seen before, so since it was midnight and we live in a condo with {very} close neighbors, i let sick-o james go to bed and i took H out to the dark living room and snuggled on the couch with her watching an elmo episode.

however, H did not reallly settle down - she was still moaning and generally sounding really hurt - i tried giving her some warm milk, whatever. then, she puked - really puked, all over herself, the couch, the toss pillows, whatever. poor sick-o kiddo :( no wonder! after cleaning her all up, i took her to the chair in her room and started to read her a story, but she was out 30 seconds after we opened the book. mommie got to go to her own bed around 230am and H didn't wake up this morning til 9.

today is looking a little better, H's watching yo gabba gabba and playing with some toy cars {ooh, as i write this she's finally drinking a little watered down juice!}. wish us luck today - it's BEAUTIFUL outside, and i'm not sure we're gonna make it out the door!

blogs....

i must admit - i've been really loving reading all these blogs recently! My favorites are here, here, here, and here. i am inspired to write about ALL things now, the wonderful meals i prepare, the crafts i attempt, the parenting trials and joys, favorite links - and pictures....... these ladies feed my hungry eyes with georgous photos of any and everything. i LOVE it!

So, let's start with this AMAZING dish i made friday night for dinner. i recently got this cookbook, real food for healthy kids and it's really good (in my opinion, much better then it seems!). the dish i made was the chicken cherries jubilee with goat cheese - yummy! even H enjoyed it (she's been in a major toddler eatting stage where she doesn't eat..... she just likes to drink). here's a basic rundown of what it was:

4 chicken breasts, sliced horizontally and stuffed with 1 oz goat cheese per breast. season with salt, pepper, and sprinkly each breast with 1 tbs flour. saute in olive or grapeseed oil about 6 min each side and remove from pan. saute 1 finely chopped shallot for about 1 min in same pan used for chicken. add 1 cup chicken stock, and 1 lb dark cherries with their juice (i used frozen ones i thawed in the microwave and the "juice"). season to taste and boil til reduced by half. you pour the sauce over the chicken, and whalaa - DELICIOUSNESS in 20 minutes or so! we served it with steamed sugar snaps, and i might add some brown rice next time. i wish i had taken a picture for ya'll - it was worthy. this will be what i make for whomever is our next dinner guest!

on the crafting front, i am a little frusterated because i have begun this beautiful tunic apron TWICE now, needing to pull it all out and start all over again! the first time, i had too few stitches, the second time, too many - so this next time, i will not forget stitch markers - however annoying they might be, they WILL stay in place the WHOLE PIECE! errr....... but i think it will be worth the trouble in the end, it's pretty isn't it?!

in the meantime, i want to finish a pretty and perfect square for H's quilt before i attempt to cast the apron again...... here's what i've got so far...........

and finally, since easter was last week, and there was no sunday school, our ITSS met for "easter" this morning. i had made an "alleluia box" before lent with notecards i had written "ALLELUIA!" on. the point was that during lent, we choose not to speak or sing that word so when the joy of easter arrives, we can savor it and shout it (with excitement similar to tasting chocolate or caffeine for the first time in 45 days!) well, since today was the first ITSS after easter, the kiddos were able to open the box and here's what they found:

each kid was able to take 1 set home (sorry moms and dads!) and the rest will stay in the classroom to be used whenever we sing our alleluia songs :)

well now. here's what (hopefully) my blog will be. i have enjoyed posting this evening - hope you enjoyed hearing what i'm up to!

tattoos.....

I've been long thinking about my next tattoos. I have one, I got it really soon after my 18th birthday. I don't regret it, it's nice, but I have spent almost 10 years (yikes!) thinking about my next one. Tattoos are permanent people. That means FOREVER! I don't want to look at something on my 90 year old body and think, "yeah, about that decision.....oops!" So, here's what

I've been thinking of.....

I have wanted Luther's Rose for a long long time. I have just been spending this time trying to determine where I want it placed. I think I've decided that I want it on my inner arm, just under my left elbow crease. But, I can't decide if I want it in color or black and white. You see, I don't usually like too much color, and the colors in the rose aren't my personal style, but they have meaning in the description of the seal. So.....

Then there is this one, the simple yet powerful words of God, that I would like small (to keep it as a personal reminder) right on the inside of my right wrist, so that when I turn my hand up, it can be read by me.*

*sorry for the tacky pic. it's hard to find exactly what I want here.....

And then, as usual, there are always other great images that I would like to see as a tattoo, but I am not as invested in the meaning behind them. Maybe I should ask for one of these for mother's day.......

Lenten Discipline

The forty-day season of Lent derives its name from the Latin word for “lengthen.” During Lent, the days grow longer as the world prepares to reawaken into spring. Lent recalls the forty days and forty nights Noah and his family spent on the ark, the forty years of Israel’s wandering in the wilderness, and the forty days of prayer and fasting that Jesus spent in the desert. Focused on the Easter promise of new life and renewed faith, Lent invites us to look honestly at ourselves as we seek to be strengthened in the call to be Christ’s disciples.
The Character of Lent as a time of renewed commitment and service suggests many possibilities for families. My family has agreed to this commitment:

We (or rather I, since I am this family's chef and personal grocery shopper) have chosen to "use what we have and buy what we need." Now, to translate this it means that our refrigerator, freezer, and pantry holds only items we intend to use, and anything else we buy to eat must be intentional and with purpose. I often go shopping with a list, and I get everything on that list (plus more, obviously, when has there ever been a SAHM who actually isn't hungry while grocery shopping?!), but my list usually consists of things my family is craving, with some essentials in the mix. The day I go shopping, everyone is happy with what's in the cupboards. The next day, oatmeal doesn't sound good for breakfast and there is no cereal. Or, yogurt with dried fruit sounded like it could never go wrong, but that Greek yogurt parfait at Starbucks sounds so much better - you know, with the honey and macaroon granola, dried cherries, and pumpkin seeds. So, I go to the store (because it's so much cheaper to buy the ingredients myself and make it, right?) and buy dried cherries, Greek yogurt, honey, granola, and pumpkin seeds, and after a serving or two, I forget these ingredients are even in the cupboard, and they sit and sit, wasting away.

So what am I trying to do differently now during this Lenten Season? Well, I won't go grocery shopping. Instead, I have inventoried my cupboards and freezer, and sat down with my list and my favorite cookbook, "More-With-Less - suggestions by Mennonites on how to eat better and consume less of the world's limited food resources" and find recipes I already have a majority of the ingredients for. Then, I go to the grocery store and purchase the two or three things I need to complete the dish, and go for it. We have been having some interesting combinations for meals - Peruvian pepper chicken with Thai rice, garlic naan, and Caesar salad for example, but who does it hurt? We are trying to feel the possibilities of being blessed with using little and giving more. Our family survives on a $300 monthly food budget with a WIC check for some added basics (most of Hazel's milk, cheese, eggs, juice, and a bit more). Usually, we are "white rice-ing it up" come the end of the month, but during Lent, we are dropping it to $200 - giving the extra $100 away, and learning how to be comfortable with plenty instead of cozy in abundance.

thinking.....

i've been doing a lot of thinking recently about my life and where it's been, where it's going. especially since james is turning 30 in a few months, i am feeling like there is a clock ticking away close by that should be telling me something, but i just can't figure out what it is. i am happy. i am lucky to be loved, cared for, appreciated.... i am lucky to be a SAHM with hazel, and to have friends who also can SAH to have playdates with us. i am lucky my husband and i communicate well and try to make decisions together. i am happy with our choices, though they may sometimes frusterate me, i believe in them and support them. i don't know what's missing.

maybe someday i will go back to school. maybe someday i will have more children. maybe someday i will be back in a place where i can paint my bedroom walls every 3 months if i so choose. but i don't want any of those now - they wouldn't feel right - so what's this clock ticking about?

i get frusterated because my days go equally by slowly and too fast. i get frusterated because no matter how much time i spend playing with hazel, i want to read more and no matter how much time i read i want to play with her more. i feel like i neglect my cats. i feel like i don't appreciate myself enough to care about my person. i am disappointed that i don't enjoy cooking as much as i used to because it's too time comsuming and toddlers aren't fun for me in the kitchen.

i don't know what it is that is trying to work its way out for me. i'm feeling unsatiable - satisfied with life the way it is, but maybe it's missing a trivial but major ingredient, like salt......

response to the question of morals - american and christian, alike...?

I believe that Jesus works from the least of us on upwards. And when I think of real, honest, biblical christian values, I believe that Jesus was a community organizer who asks us to participate in helping the poor, oppressed, huIrting, friendless, and aching before we look to helping ourselves. I believe that Barack Obama and the democratic party holds these biblical basic christian values more closely, and more truely, than they understand. Regardless to my religious values, I also know that Barack Obama is a constitutional lawyer, meaning his speialty is in upholding our origional American rights, and I believe that in office, he will restore the truth and value to our rights to have a voice, to freedom of speech, to honest informity, and to religious freedoms. I also believe that in our global community, Christ calls us to a ministry of peace and non-violent justice, and under the presidency of President Obama, we will have more opportunity to work with the wider global community to restore and create peace in regions where God's children are being tortured and persecuted.When you read our American Constitution, you read that justice, freedom, and rights to be individuals are the reasons our forefathers came searching for a new land to call home. When you look at our basic human instincts to love and be loved, you can see why the constitution was written to include values such as these. When you try to connect religion to the values of American justice, you de-value the power and majesty of God, who was the sole reason America was founded - these people wanted the right to be free and holy people, able to worship and praise outside of nationalized catholicism. In this new age of Obama, I feel that as a christian american, I now can find the hope in sharing God in a healthy way again, by Loving, not judging. By supporting, not condemning. By reading scripture and remembering all the examples CHrist has given me to share that love. Obama will attempt to renew a care and concern for the planet God gave us. Obama will attempt to create an opportunity for the least and most needing americans to be cared for health wise. Obama will attempt to restore the dignity of people who are losing their homes due to mortgage fraud. Obama will attempt to restore pride and faith in government by fixing the damage done that has enabled the middle class to fall farther and deeper into poverty. I believe that Christ proved time and time again that judgement belongs to God, and God alone. I am proud to be an american under this presidency because I feel that finally, for the first time in my adult life, I will be able to share my faith in God in a way that will show non-judgement because my American nationality will no longer negate my intentions in the global community.

I Don't Mind....

... when people have different opinions than mine. I am inspired by free thinking, relavent people who have done the adequate research and concluded their process at a different location than me. What i DO mind is punk ass idiots who get illigitimate internet forwards about sensitive issues, and blindly forward the crassly noninformative propoganda to others. It undermines those with appropriately gained opinions, captivates those who are unwilling to be intentionally informed, and, ultimately, puts the sender/forwarder in the most unflattering light to all those whom, at one time or another, respected them.
With 4 days left until the 08 election, if you are going to vote, you should have your mind decided by now. If so, trust your own decisive opinions, and if you don't, please, PLEASE, don't let the spam-crap about either side plant any chance of change in your mind. Research for yourself what you are trying to stand for with your opportunity to vote. Read EVERYTHING you can find (with a valid source), right AND left regardless, to determine for YOURSELF what you find valuable.

Priceless Parenting Class - Day 1

This evening James and I went to our very first session of a class called Priceless Parenting, held at our church. When we first heard the class was being offered, we were unsure about taking it - I mean, Hazel was only 13 months (at the time), and typically, these classes are geared towards the woes of parenting crazy out of control older children. Plus, it cost $65! Steep in this present age of rescession talk and the dow dropping 770 points in a single day. But, all of our friends were going, and we were offered a scholarship to join in, so..... go ahead and re-read the first sentence of this post if you aren't clear what happened next ;)
Hazel had a pretty good day - we went to her 15 month check up and she didn't even have to get any shots, so she was better than I had anticipated for staying in the nursery during class. (By the way, she is 33 inches tall now - in the 115% for her age!) James and I dropped her off at the nursery, which was literally loaded with children, and she cried as we left her, but the staffers assured us she would be fine in their charge, and we went on to class.
Now, usually I go in to any class with a very skeptical eye - this comes from my mother, who is herself, an educator/perfectionist/liberal/out-loud thinker. I know what I do and do not want to get out of a class before I ever go. I find out who this "qualified" person is instructing me, dig a little to determine if they are of the "correct" way of thinking, and generally don't "waste" my time with classes I don't think will fit my personal needs criteria. I did my research on this class (which is completed 1/2 on-line, so there are tons of resources to check) and was my usual cynical, skeptical self as we went in.
Kathy lead a wonderful introductory session, and was very flexible with answering questions and giving feedback. She was positive, and honest, and pleasant to learn from. I can't wait to complete the next lesson and get back to hear her next week. I am most excited, because she doesn't seem to be of an extreme. Parenting coarses and texts tend to fall on the be your kid's buddy or smack 'em around til they learn to shut up varieties. I have been having difficulty finding the balance. I have read a few books I found on my own, and a few loaned from friends with older kids. But I still struggle. My parents did very well with me (I can't answer for my siblings). As an adult mother myself, now I look back and can only find one honest complaint - they opted not to talk to me about hard things. When I would make a poor decision, mess up really good, or mature into my growing body, they would look the other way and almost pretend it didn't happen. I don't blame them for that - I mean, really it was the only thing I can find to complain about. That and that my dad would always try to make us laugh at the expense of my self image - tight jeans, bright lipstick, this wierd bump thing I have on my head - but I know he found those things endearing, and his sarcasm is one of his best and worst traits.
I don't know today what all I will do to discipline Hazel. I do know that it is a process during which I will fail. And numerous times at that. But she will always know that she is loved and cherished. And she will always have a place to feel comfort and support. This class will most definetly help us to narrow down some specific boundaries, much needed boundaries, and I can't wait to learn how to help my child grow into a loving, responsible, caring, supportive adult.

great new pictures.....

..... on flickr.com hazel colver
check out how cute she is!

Infant Toddler Sunday School

I lead infant toddler Sunday school at church this week all by myself. No, literally - Ruth and her family were out of town (for a very significant exciting event, not vacation {though vacation's not a bad excuse to be out of town, either} ) and Hazel had a severe case of the "green 11's" ( a friends polite way of saying snotty nose) so James had to stay home with her, and I was left to this little 30 minute slot of allotted time that all week seemed like nothing, and Sunday morning seemed big and scary and totally out of my realm of capability.
Okay, so not really either, since Ruth had sent me a very detailed list of what to do and how to do it. I was just making a mountain out of a mole hill in my head.
But here's what happened:
People started filtering in for the 1030 class around 1035. We all signed in and took nametags, sang some Jolly Jesus tunes, and then, the spotlight turned bright on me. I am not generally reluctant to get in the spotlight, but here I was, with all these people - parents - who want to learn from me how to help their child recognize the faithful, and how to be faithful in their own lives. Now, I certainly realize that anyone signing up for something that enormous to come paper packaged in a 25 minute Sunday school class that you bring your infants and toddlers to is non-existent.
But, I still felt the pressure like I was surrounded by a room full of them.
Announcements went smoothly, pictures went relatively smoothly - or as smooth as to be expected for a room full of infants, toddlers, and parents, and the craft went alright I thought. All things that I was left to do by Ruth-the-magnificent. Then came my parent topic.
Did anyone have any thoughts or insights from last weeks Faithful Thoughts for Parents of Tots handout?

…..*paper rustling, crayons drawing*…….

Did anyone get the chance to look over last weeks FTPT?

…..chirp chirp………

Okay, so well, um, this week the topic is how do you and your co-parent/partner/spouse/and whatever-the-hell-else-is-P.C.-person do now or want to incorporate into your daily living that encourages you to think about your Christian faith together?

……….we say bedtime prayers with our son………

…we sing Jesus loves me with our baby………..

……I read the morning prayer (on the parent handout for parents to do together) with my CHILD on the way to church this morning………..

In the completely inappropriate (almost) immortal words of my husbands delightful grandfather…

"Jesus Christ in a rowboat - up the crick without his God-damned paddle!"

What did I miss? Maybe this desire to reach marriages and build faith development opportunities is lost on the milk-frazzled, diaper-training, sleep-deprived, under-nourished (with the exception of goldfish crackers and coffee) brains of parents of infants and toddlers. Maybe I am crazy to have tried.
So, back to class - crickets chirped, stickers stuck to parents rumps, and slowly, parents asked for 2nd copies of last weeks FTPT along with the new one. Did they pity me in my efforts? Possibly. Should I worry? I can, and probably will - but I know it's a mustard seed in the hearts of the willing. I can't force people to look into their unique relationships and carve out valuable time together that, God and all parents know is more preciously spent catching zzz's or having your monthly ball bursting, clock watching sex, to talk about your faith. I just hope and pray some of them are thinking about wanting to find the time to talk about it.
That's all.

she's a walker!

it's been a LLLOOONNNGGG 3 months......... but now, Hazel is walking again!

I'll post a blog asap, but for now, here's a picture to satiate your desires for brain dumpage!

happy new year

A little catch up after the busy holiday season! Hazel took her first car trip to California to see James’ family for thanksgiving. We spent Christmas day here at home with my family. And we really enjoyed celebrating some of the 12 days of Christmas with friends old and new. And now, Hazel is SO close to crawling, she had 4 teeth cut through in this past week (no, I’m not kidding, and she wasn’t very thrilled with it, either!), and she is eating quite a few solid foods, while trying to continue nursing at least a few times a day (if mom can continue standing all 6 teeth!).
James and I started a belated new year’s bet with one another – every day I exercise, he is not allowed to shave his beard. The goal is to get him past the itchy stage and see if he can grow a full beard, and to get me working out (the ‘I just had a baby’ excuse expires after 6 months!). The catch is that we just broke down and got Comcast’s On Demand and DVR, and all I want to do is watch T.V! I guess the double catch is that, with this DVR, we are also able to record and watch at anytime – which also means, after working out! And with On Demand, there are actually really great work out’s in the sports and fitness section, so I have no excuses any longer.
James and I both got new bikes for Christmas (and Hazel got a trailer), and we are trying to get back into cycling. We give each other little opportunities to cycle as mini training since Hazel has to be 12 months to ride in her trailer. It’s awfully hard, when I rode to the store and back the other day, I got off my bike and thought there was an earthquake – my legs were shaking so hard! Even James is puffing harder after a few miles, so we have a lot of work to do, but it will be worth it. Cycling lets you see the world around you, helps you to feel alive, and James loves it, so no harm no foul!
Hazel started crawling last week. She is now moving EVERYWHERE, and it's a little scary. I feel as though there are not enough hours in the day to childproof - and I can hardly leave her for a second without coming back to a cord in her mouth or something! We should have a babyproofing party.....that's all for now, a little catch up!

more coming soon - (i promise!)

opening her first christmas present!

is there a monkey on my back?
(she flipped him up there herself!)

SNOW! 1/15/2008